The Ugly Side of Making Beautiful Things
Not a bad title eh? Maybe I’ll give up this whole “fashion” thing and become a writer!
*10 minutes pass*
Ok…it’s a bit too early in my literary career to have writers block…back to fashion I go.
I’m pretty new to the whole blogging thing – so this is sort of going to be like an open narrative sort of deal. If I think it, I’ll write it…I’m not really going to follow any sort of structure or abide by the laws of writing. Like I said…I’m a much better fashion designer than author.
That being said…I suppose writing out what’s on my mind is a good way to express myself, and besides if I designed a cocktail dress inspired by all of my thoughts and feelings at the moment… it would look like a hot mess…which might have some appeal…but I think I’ll stick to my preference for designing sophisticated, classic pieces.
Right now, I’m feeling sort of a happy-dizzy-exciting-chaotic calm. On one hand, I’m actually making my life-long dream of starting my own fashion brand a reality. It’s definitely in the beginning stages and I know it’s going to take a lot of blood, sweat and organza (haha-but actually sort of true) but it’s happening…and that’s mind blowing to me!
On the other hand… I’m feeling a bit worried that I’m spending the “best years of my life” (or so I’m told) sketching, pattern making, sewing, draping, etc. all alone in my “studio” (apartment, that is) Keep in mind I’m doing all this under some pretty harsh fluorescent lighting, and in the even harsher reality of the world that is going on around me (again, or so I’m told). Am I letting my 20’s fly by me? Is becoming a success at 30 (or sooner…please) worth it if you never experienced the follies/shit-show/awesomeness that is supposed to be your 20’s? I look at my friends (when they come over to visit…I haven’t even had time to leave my apartment to go grocery shopping, much less “hang out” with the people I love) I look at them, and they all seem to be really be “LIVING”. It makes me somewhat reflective, and worried that I’m not.
On the other hand (I believe that would make me have 3 hands…which I don’t…ew…but OMG that would seriously make my life way easier!) I know in my heart and all of my being that I am doing what I was born to do, and I’m so ridiculously lucky and fortunate and grateful that I’m able to do it. Like I might have pretty much no life, but every day (and frankly well into every night) I get to create things that I want to create. I’m able to do something that If I worked as an assistant designer to some big somebody in the industry (and I’ve considered it) I wouldn’t have the chance to do. I get to experiment.
Maybe life would be easier if I worked for a fabulous label and never had to pay for supplies or have to skip brunch with my best friends because I’m saving up for a website, or an industrial sewing machine… there are a lot of maybe’s…but when I do stop working and take a moment to breath, I look around… and my cluttered, too-small, too hot, too expensive apartment becomes a world full of beautiful things that I dreamed and sketched and designed and sewed and I just breath it in…and it’s euphoric…because it’s those moments where I can see my past, present and future coming together and all of the doubts and what ifs don’t matter, because everything is beautiful again.
That got sort of deep…but I feel pretty great right now. I’m not sure if it’s because this was actually therapeutic or if it’s just nice to partake in an activity that requires me to sit down…and doesn’t require me to hold pins in my mouth.
Either way, thanks a lot for reading…hope you enjoyed it…and I’ll sit down and do this again soon…
Goodnight!
-Wesley
